I have beat the reaper once..

I can not believe it has been one year since my head injury. I am so thankful every single day to still be here. I have always been a believer in the saying, "everything happens for a reason", I think I have realized the reason my head injury happened and honestly I thank God that he stopped me right in my tracks. He definitely knows what is best for me!! But man!! Couldn't he have taught me a lesson in a less painful way? Passing out at the car wash, gravity taking me backwards rapidly, breaking my fall with my skull against the hard black top, then laying in my own pool of blood for a number of minutes is not my fave way to learn a lesson. Man what a night that was! After I finally came back to, I army crawled myself back to my car, and somehow pulled myself into the drivers seat(no I don't remember doing that but the car wash surveillance video proves it to be true) my phone rang. It was Jon, I told him I felt sick and was throwing up. I thought I was just stomach sick. Little did I know I was loosing ounces of blood out of the back of my head and all over my expensive leather seats! I told Jon I would drive home as soon as my stomach allowed. Jon said I sounded strange. I passed out again. Woke up to Jon's eyes looking at me, his eyes were huge, he asked me if I had been attacked? Next thing I knew we were weaving in and out of traffic, on the way to American fork ER.  I remember looking in the back seat and seeing my kids scared little faces. Jaiden still to this day will hold my hand and tell me she's helping hold me up so I don't fall and hurt my head again. So sad!! I feel bad my kids saw me like that.
I still remember the pain, I remember each one of the painful twelve staples going into the back of my skull. I started screaming at the ER physician to stop stapling the back of my head. I will never forget his face, he looked terrified, I heard him tell my husband that I lost so much blood and if I loose any more it will be the end of me.  After they put the staples in my head, they gave me drugs and I don't remember much. I woke up later and I was in Provo ICU..wow! How did this happen? And why in the world am I in here...I went in and out of consciousness for the next few days. I remember my older brother Jesse and my dad came in and gave me a blessing, I was so happy to see those two men!! I remember one really nice nurse helping me try to look like I hadn't just died and came back to life. I remember waking up in so much pain I was crying and screaming hysterically and I saw my dad sitting by my side with a book in his hand but clearly unable to focus on the book because of my hysteria.  I remember wanting to sleep in a different position so I would try to move and the five or more machines I was hooked up to started beeping uncontrollably at me. I remember when the sweet physical therapist came in and told me I had to try and walk. Ha!! That was one of the hardest things I had to do! And she kept asking me questions about my kids, I have kids?? Oh yeah, that is right I do. OH MY GOSH, I do!!! Well where are they and are they okay and who has been watching them?? I remember the sad look in my moms eyes. And I will never forget my husbands sad demeanor. I caused a lot of pain and sadness to those who love me most. I remember the doctors telling me I was ready to go home and thinking, YEAH RIGHT!!! Then suddenly there I was at home, trying to piece back together my life. Simple things that I took for granted every single day were incredibly hard! Like walking, making my kids meals, Etc and so on. I learned who truly loves me during those 2013 summer months. I had SO much help from people and I will never be able to repay them or express to them in words my gratitude.
The doctors claim I died for a short time. I had 12 staples in the back of my head to hold my skin together where I had fractured my skull, along with blood and oxygen on my brain. I had three fractures in my neck.. I quickly fell into a deep depression. I didn't want to be alive. I was so upset with God for not just letting me cross that river. After months of feeling bad for myself the depression finally started to lessen. I looked around and realized all of the things I have been given. I realized all of my blessings! I am so thankful I am still here to be a mother to my children. God gave me a second chance!! Here I am one year later feeling about the best I have ever felt in my life, minus the minor head and neck aches. I try so hard not to take anything for granted anymore, its a challenge sometimes, but I feel like I am still here for some unknown reason and I am so thankful that I am!! Do I wish it wouldn't have happened how it did? I don't know. Do I wish I could tie up the loose ends and know the exact reasons why? I don't know. Who am I to question Gods will for me. He let me stay here and be the mother and wife that I dreamt of being when I was a little girl. I am living my dream, looking for the good in everyday and loving it!

My poor blog!!

I was looking at my blog this morning while working out-trying to stay entertained through that snore fest- & it needs help! Hello?! My kids are now 8 & 5. But it was fun to look back on the previous posts & see all the change! Change sure is constant, isn't it? And time just flies so fast!! Even my kids say it goes fast & that's scary! But four years went by whether I blogged or not so here's to another four years of hopefully staying a little bit caught up! I know I will want the memories to look back on.